Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force On Violence And The Family

ISSUES AND DILEMMAS IN FAMILY VIOLENCE


Issue 4

WHY DON'T BATTERED WOMEN JUST TAKE THEIR CHILDREN AND LEAVE?

Many believe that violent abuse can be stopped by simply leaving the home, but research indicates that leaving does not stop the abuse.

'Why does she stay?' may be the most frequently asked question about battered women. The underlying assumption in that question is that if the woman leaves, it would somehow stop the man's violence and, conversely, if she stays, she is in some way responsible for what happens to her. There are a variety of reasons why women don't leave their partners -- for example, no social supports, nowhere to go, no money, and the psychological effects of battered woman syndrome. Nonetheless, the most important reason that women stay with batterers is that they are terrified to leave -- they know that leaving may not stop the violence and may even make it worse.

A large proportion of reported domestic violence happens after the partners are separated. Since threats and violence are control strategies used by the batterer, the woman's leaving may threaten his sense of power and increase his need to control the woman and children. There is evidence, for example, that many stalking crimes involve abusive former spouses, boyfriends, or domestic partners. Child custody and visitation arrangements also may become an ongoing scenario for intimidation, threats, and violent behavior. Threats may be made to hurt the children and other family members. Often the battered woman returns to the batterer out of fear of increased violence and loss of control of the children as well as optimistic submission to his charm and his promises never to hurt her again.

This issue poses dilemmas for personal safety and for public policy, and it requires coordinated responses on the part of individual support systems, social services, mental health services, law enforcement, and the justice system. Otherwise, battered women who leave home will continue to be harmed, and battered women who stay will continue to be harmed!

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